After I wrote my last note about having anxiety and issues with food tonight I went and hung out with a couple of friends. I helped one plant some lilies and other plants along the side of his house. I didn't come prepared with proper foot attire and at first I was worried. Then I thought, ditch the flip flops and go barefoot, so I did. I have never gardened barefoot before tonight and I have to say it was the most therapeutic thing I could have done for myself this evening. The feel of the dirt between my toes and on my feet was so comforting and relaxing. It put my mind at ease.
I got to thinking on my drive home from my friends house how much has changed for me in the last year. This time last year my best friend was staying with me for what turned out to be more than a couple of months. It had always been a very turbulent friendship and the rooming together this last time sent it over the edge. The friendship ended on a bad note and after 10 years we are no longer friends. It was a hard break to make but one that needed to be done for so many reasons and on so many levels. My closest friends will say that they had been wanting me to end this friendship several years ago and that it was very unhealthy for me. It took me seeing this person for who she truly was in order for me to end it. It still hurt.
Then come around November/December work exploded and not in a good way. I had more work than I had hours in the day and no one to help me. I was working 60 hours a week and coming home to work on sewing orders at night. I basically worked myself in to the ground those two months. January came and by the end of the month I thought I was going to loose it and I did. In the form of uncontrollable crying at my desk at work. Left work and promptly called my doctor. One of the best phone calls I could have ever made. After much discussing I was put on an anti anxiety medication. BEST thing ever and I wish I would have discovered this years ago. Things started to look up. I could work without breaking down in crying fits and I got the much needed help at work.
During this time the group I support at work brought in quite a large number of temporary employees to help out with the increase in work. I have met some of the nicest, sweetest and truly remarkable people. It's never been easy for me to make friends. I have no problems at work but get me outside of work and I have a tendency to turn inwards and close up. But with the help of this medication it has allowed me to open up more and it's been so much fun.
Two of these people have become like brothers to me. The brothers I never had and only wished for. They are the nicest, sweetest guys I have ever known and have shown me friendship like I have never known. The support they have given me in my journey with the weight loss surgery is remarkable. They are both there whenever I need to talk or vent. Great guys to hang out with and awesome friends.
So, as I looked back at the last year it hit me. You never know where life will lead you. You never know what people are going to enter your lives and how they will change it, this time for the good. You never know what decisions you are going to make and how they will effect the rest of your life. I am thankful for the last year I went through. I learned so much and I look forward to the next year. It will be tough, there will be tears, but there will be joy and during it I know I have surrounded myself with good friends and family. I couldn't ask for anything more.
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