Just checking in

The week has been going well. I have been walking almost every evening, depending on the weather, and it feels great. The increase in my energy level is amazing. I work better and sleep so much better compared to a couple of weeks ago.

I have been sticking to plan and eating healthy and I can feel the weight coming off. I am not hungry so that has been a blessing. This plan is really working. I have tons of support and I'm excited to keep trucking along. It won't always be easy but I can feel the results already so I know it will be worth it.

Amazing what difference a week makes

I was pretty busy this weekend so I didn't do any blogging. My sister was in from California and we put the finishing touches on our Ireland trip.

I can't believe what a difference a week has made in terms of how I feel. The increased energy is amazing and the fact that I'm sleeping at night is great too. I was very good about writing down what I ate last week and over the weekend. I realized Friday evening that I had left my journal at work so I wrote down the things I ate this weekend in my old journal. I transferred it on Monday when I got in to work. I took the time and looked at my journal that I kept prior to my appointment last week. I was shocked to see what I ate on a daily basis. This is only after a week on this new plan. I am not calling it a diet because it's not. It's a new eating plan and it will be with me for the rest of my life.

I was proud of myself for making the changes that I did this past week and for sticking to the plan over the weekend. Considering it was the first weekend since I've started I was impressed with myself. I went to the farmers market on Saturday morning with a good friend and picked up tons of fresh veggies. I think I only spent $12 for everything. This is going to be a constant thing for me from now on. On Sunday my mom had myself and some family over for pizza with my sister. I brought my own salad fixings and prepared my salad. Nobody thought any different of me for doing it. I had one small square piece of cheese pizza and that was it. Felt good to be in control of my eating.

Not sure if I am suppose to do this or not until my next appointment on the 17th but I weighed myself and I have lost 7 pounds so far. I know the majority of it is water but hey, I'm not knocking it.

The thing that amazes me so far is that I'm not craving what I would normally crave if I was on another program. This one is working so well for me. I have some great friends that are so supportive of me and are going on nightly walks and fixing me dinner when I'm over. In fact they are both doing some of the plan with me. How great is that!

I started today with more energy than ever before and I'm loving it. I'm making better food choices and it's feeling great!

Why do we tend to be the hardest on ourselves?

I have to remember that I can not change my eating habits overnight. This is a 40 year relationship with food that I need to look at differently. I stayed on plan for the most part during the day. It was when I got home that I faltered a little. I had some puffed corn snacks but put the bag away and didn't over eat. Now that in itself is a triumph. Normally I would have kept eating until I was stuffed. Why couldn't I have been happy with that? I'm too hard on myself and need to remember to back off at times.

I went to bed early because I was tired and because I was disgusted with myself. You would have thought I had pigged out on a box of chocolates. But this is what my mind does. It's all or nothing with me and this is gong to be the hardest thing to change but I know I can do it.

I woke up this morning still disgusted with myself but made healthy food choices for the day.

I can do it!

One step at a time

I walked 4,331 steps today. I put on my pedometer as I got out of my car at work and didn't take it off until I walked through the back door at home.

I stayed on target for the most part regarding food today. Today was a little easier than yesterday. Yesterday, I got a headache in the afternoon and got really hungry, then I got mad. Must sound weird to some people but when I know I shouldn't have something to eat I get upset. More so with myself for thinking about the food. Hope that makes sense.

I stopped at Trader Joe's after work and picked up some fruits and veggies. I also picked up this puffed corn thing. I didn't over eat which I'm proud of, but I did have some and it was very good. It's a nice substitute to chips right now. I topped off my meal with a cliff bar and a small glass of chocolate milk. I probably shouldn't have eaten the cliff bar but I was craving something sweet. I did my calculations with the book and it wasn't too bad. I also cleaned out my fridge and feezer which felt really nice. Now it's all organized and not overwhelming when I open it.

Going to get up early tomorrow and go for a walk before work since I didn't do any walking after work today.

A new day

Today is the first official day I started my program and I have to say I have done very well. I journaled the food I ate and the water I drank. I walked around the park at work (1/2 mile) with a co-worker and enjoyed the great day in Minnesota. I was bummed to realize that after wearing my pedometer all day long that the battery died. But, with a quick trip to Target after work I solved the problem. I bought some new socks, undies and a sports bra. My goal tomorrow is to wake up 30 minutes early and go for a walk with my dogs. I have no excuse.

I emailed the nurse I met with yesterday and sent her the Open letter to food I wrote a couple of weeks ago. She was very impressed and wanted to know if she could share it with the Doctor and some of her other patients. I was flattered and of course said yes. If my writing and sharing what I am going through can even help one other person than it's worth it.

I am going over to my mom's tonight for dinner and she is fixing my chicken differently than hers so I can enjoy it. I don't feel stressed about it all. My sister and I are going to put the finishing touches on our Ireland trip so the evening should be lots of fun.

It was a great new day and I am looking forward to tomorrow.

Sometimes a mistake can be a good thing

Who would have ever thought that a mistake could be a good thing. I was always told growing up that you learn by your mistakes and oh how true that is. I arrived at my appointment this morning to find out that I was scheduled for the wrong appointment. Instead of meeting with a doctor that performed weight loss surgery I was scheduled with a doctor that helped patients loose weight by changing their eating habits. Ding, ding, ding!!! Do you ever have those moments in life when you just know something feels right? Like there is a divine spirit guiding you and this was your path all along? That is how I felt this morning.

My sister, bless her heart, met me there and went in to the appointment with me. One for support and two to catch things that I might have missed. So glad she was there. I met first with the doctors nurse. What a wonderful woman. I can honestly say that I have never felt more comfortable sitting in a doctors office as I did today. I never felt ashamed of my weight or my eating habits. I was made to feel like I can do this, loose weight, and be successful at it. After briefly speaking with her the doctor came in. What a nice man he was. I instantly felt at ease. He told me right away that he did not perform weight loss surgery and wanted to know if I was okay with that. I told him that I was open minded to whatever the doctor had to suggest and that I am the type of person that likes to be informed. He continued and over the course of the next hour asked me my past relationship with food and my eating habits. I got emotional when he started to talk about food as a comfort. That rang so true and of course hit close to home. I showed both him and his nurse my food journal and they were impressed that I had started to keep one. The fact that I came to the appointment prepared and informed already they were very pleased with. In fact they both said that I am the type of patient they like to have. My doctor also told me this which I really liked. He said that he would not be doing what he was doing if it didn't work. That he had several patients that have lost 100, 150. 200+ pounds with his help and all without surgery. That was encouraging.

Now, I won't sit here and lie and say this is going to be a walk in the park, far from it. It will be a HUGE undertaking but I am prepared to tackle the challenge head on. Over the course of the next two weeks they gave me some guidelines on what I should eat. The goal of this program is to have a tailored program specifically for me and me alone. The goal is for me to work my way up to exercising 7 days a week, 1 hour every day. But, for right now it's baby steps. Little tiny baby steps.

I have a wonderful support system of family, friends and co-workers and on-line friends as well. I couldn't ask for anything more. I stopped at Barnes & Noble on the way home and purchased one of the books my doctor suggested: Volumetrics Weight-Control Plan. That is my homework for now.

In closing I will say that sometimes a mistake can be a good thing!

Questions all in order

Tomorrow is my first appointment at the U of M Weight Management Center. It's at 10:30 and my sister will be going with me. For support and as another set of ears in case I miss anything. I wrote out the questions I could think of and I also wrote down all my attempts at loosing weight, be it with weigh watchers or on my own. I've never written that down before and it was something to see all my failed attempts.

Part of me is trying really hard to not feel like a failure by going to get this surgery done. I mean I did this to myself and I should be able to take it off by myself, but I can't. I just can't seem to get very far before I fall again and usually into a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I suck at will power when it comes to food. Bottom line.

When I got home this afternoon I had a message on my phone from a nurse at the U of M wanting to know if I had any questions about my appointment tomorrow. Even though I wasn't home to take the call it made me feel good that she called. It made me feel like this was something important to them and to me.

I have joined a couple of online support groups and after reading some of the posts I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what to expect throughout the process, especially after surgery. I like being informed, always have and always will be. It's part of who I am. I'm the first one to tell someone if I like something and the first one to tell someone I didn't. So, I'm going in to my appointment tomorrow armed with a list of questions and when I come out I will be informed.

Just random

I woke up hungry this morning. Not so good for me. The first thought as I woke was what am I going to eat. It can be a constant thing sometimes and other days food doesn't even enter my mind. I have a tendency to panic when I don't think I have enough food in the house to last me a week or two. I don't think I have ever told anyone that, even my mom. It's embarrassing to admit that.

I spent the day at my mom's house with a friend that was installing some french doors for her. I also cleaned her house. My weight generally doesn't get in the way of cleaning but today I felt fat as I was cleaning. I know, weird, but I did. I mopped the floors and that is the worse thing on my back. My weight really bothers that. I won't be sad when the pain goes away.

I also got a very sweet email from a dear friend. To quote: "I just read your blog, it's amazing. Its like I'm seeing your food addiction through your eyes and how it must really feel. Thanks for allowing me in and know that I am here for you in whatever way I can be." That really hit home for me and touched me on a very personal level. If I can touch just one person through my blogging then it's worth it. Even if it's just shedding light on food addiction.

It was a gorgeous day here in Minnesota. The type of day where it renews ones soul. The sky was clear, the clouds looked like puffs of cotton and the temperature was just right.